Avoiding speaking about a loved one’s past is not for the fear of hurting them. But because it will hurt you, in ways you cannot even begin to describe.

I am posting so regularly because I am typing up made-up stuff and saving drafts and scheduling them as future posts. So this way you readership (which counts to 6 probably) will not miss me when I’m super busy doing just about any useless piece of timepass work.

So this is the post I scheduled to be posted right at the time it got posted, which is now, is to thank the bloggers who have made my day/s (which obviously is not made-up). On innumerable occasions (seriously, because I lost count of the moments I’ve gone into depression) these people (wow, now I realize they have always been women) have lifted my spirits through their posts about the most unimportant things on earth and elsewhere. It’s just this kind of stuff (read insane blabber) that makes me feel at home. They tell me I’m not the only one with this kind of disorder to type down meaningless stuff and still feel happy about it. They make me smile at the stupid monitor at office, while sluggishly doing the office work (which is again typing insane meaningless stuff that is meant to be the code).

Apart from the normal blogs I read daily, these are some blogs I hold special to my heart, for the aforementioned reasons. It’s just that on a cloudy gloomy grey morning they happen to lift the sides of my cheeks and make me feel better. (Hence I forgive you for giving me wrinkles through that too much stretched smile (which on second thoughts might be the aftermath of not applying moisturizer for 2 continuous weeks(which I’m wicked enough not to accept ))).

If I haven’t yet ran you nuts with that mad talk, I would have with those brackets inside brackets sentences. If not yet, then here are the bloggers I want to thank, whom I might have mentioned earlier or might not have (because I obviously don’t remember).

So here goes.
Thank you guys, for the fun and laughter and madness that you are spreading around. Thanks for being my kind and lifting my spirits at the most needed time (read ‘always’). And thank you for just being out their on the blog-ville and writing out whatever you are writing out. Coz even if it doesn’t mean much to me, it matters a lot. It lightens and brightens my day and gives me blog fodder (well most of the times it’s rubbish, as usual).

Here is a big THANK YOU hug that I’m sending your way guys (ok that s a lot of thank yous now, I must really like you)
Bossy
Sayesha
Pri
Seren

Teddy bear hug

Froggie hug

Suffocating squeeze

Hugs and Muaahs to you all and those out there whom I follow regularly.

Cheerio!

P.S All images courtesy Google

Bright and sunny the morning was shining on our porch. I bent to pick up the newspaper and he picked milk cans. That was the routine. Every morning, we went to jog (or walk, as the weather/mood suggested) to the nearby park and came back to fetch stuff from the porch and head straight for a cuppa prepared by him. These days it is difficult to imagine start of the day without having that cup of steaming hot coffee in the morning and the day simply seems wasted. To sip and skim through the newspaper seems like bliss, as the gold-yellow rays stream in through the windows and lighted up the house bright and lively.

We were still sweating profusely as a result of jogging and stretching and I heard him take in a ragged breath which took a while to come out. I looked up concernedly only to find a smile playing on his lips, indicating it was nothing to worry about. I smiled back and kissed his forehead as I walked towards the bathroom to clean myself up and get ready. It was another day, and it was time to take on the world, all over again.

When I was setting up the table, I realized how much I missed Liz and Nick. Oh by the way, those two are my wonderful and lovely brats who are off with their respective friends to enjoy the weekend and still aren’t back. We are so used to having breakfast together at the kitchen table, that it felt weird to serve only for two. Of course it was only us; they might’ve forgotten our existence for all we knew. Kids tend to grow up so soon. And there I was lost again in my world of thoughts and flashbacks. I realized it only when I got a pat on the cheek, and my eyes focused on that lovely smile again.

We sat down and had our breakfast peacefully and moved to our respective businesses such as visiting the old age home, attending society meetings, volunteering for attending part-time to those who with terminal illness etc. Well, that might sound depressing but believe me, it does wonders to your heart. And of course we both go around and see places and are sometimes joined by the kids too. But they have their own lives now.

By now you might be wondering if we do anything at all for a living. Oh yes we do, he writes books and sometimes freelances for the newspapers/magazines. I paint. That pretty much summarizes my life right now. Oh and we love each other very much. After all these years of togetherness, our relationship has kind of developed its own taste, which is something like nothing else in the world.

That I think makes for a contented life for late 50 somethings, don’t you think? Oh I forgot, Will recently celebrated his 61st. I know, I am getting old, but not too old not to enjoy life or whatever is left of it. We had one helluva birthday party and of course I got drunk.

I wrote this as I pictured myself being an old 50 something lady, and how my life would be. I want it to be exactly like this. Filled with life.

My cousin T (previously mentioned as Teddy) picked up two books. One for her and one for me. Hers was Memoirs of Geisha and mine was H2G2 (if you don’t know what that is, go bury your head in the sand). I had heard a lot about the former, so I gave it a start, but before I knew I was just flipping pages looking for something. What exactly, I don’t know but I didn’t find it. Finally closed the book at 2ish in the morning feeling utterly disappointed and cheated. For some unfathomable reason, I was expecting something from that book. No, I hadn’t read review or heard it from friends, but I still was expecting something that only a good book can give you. Sadly it was missing. It looked to me like ‘101 ways to become a Geisha’. Add to it no sleep and it made me angry.

Then one fine night, after dinner, I picked up H2G2 (if you still haven’t figured that one by now, ok, you’ve accepted that you’re the dumbest, its Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy). Not exactly picked, it was lying beside my pillow so casually started turning over the pages. The author interested me. But I couldn’t continue more as I was struggling to keep my eyelids from drooping.

Now I have gotten around to reading ‘P.S I love you’ which I found out is very simple and Hollywoodish. Though I’m kind of liking it. If you don’t know that plot and don’t want to spoil your reading (if at all you’re planning to read it) this is the spoiler alert. Stop NOW!

So you continued, and so will I. So here s the main plot, the guy dies and his wife isn’t able to get over it for a long time and how his letters (written while on his death bed) help her get her life back to normal and some such. Yes, as I said, very very normal and common story. But something about it has made me stick. It’s not the best book I’ve read but it’s not made me close and go to sleep either. I reluctantly slept last night at 12 remembering I had a day at office coming. But it kind of kept coming back to me, that, what if I happen to lose someone I loved that dearly and how difficult it would be for me to get over it. And what if the one I love loses me, how would it affect that person. I know it sounds depressing, but it wasn’t exactly so. It was plain intriguing and thought provoking. Life becomes difficult when the few important pieces of it go missing and that s so god damn true. I’ve finished it and at many instances I couldn’t just go on because the page was a blur and I caught myself with moist eyes. I think I kind of like it, me being the ’sentimental fool’ types.

And I’m so in love with the series ‘HIMYM’. Oh you wouldn’t figure it out anyway so it’s ‘How I Met Your Mom’ which is simply TERRIFIC. Only next to ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’ which is absolutely TERRIFIC. I think I’m in love with Ted and Robin gives me a complex (prefix with inferiority) every time she comes on screen. I’ve seen almost 8 episodes now wanting for more. I’d totally suggest it, it’s awesome!

And did I still am super busy. Yes and still squeezing these things in the 24 hours I’ve got for a day. And I have a trip home, coming up this weekend, which would lead to a trip to Mysore (if at all) and that would be cool coz I would be meeting Y-my best friend from college and visiting his parents (who are super cool and I adore them). GOSH! Another week gone and I don’t even know where or how it went. This is turning scary. But somehow doesn’t scare me at all.

It’s been a long time and truly hectic time too. I’ve survived three days of continuous shopping. That surely deserves a pat on the back, for someone like me, who is very choosy and rare shopper. So that s the best excuse I can give for my absence. I’ve been crazily busy with office work and outside work, so much that I’m really going nuts. And things are not done with yet and I cannot heave a sigh of relief. Huh!

So I had started enjoying and welcoming the winter and before I knew, bam! I had to do various things at the same time, which of course caused chaos in the eating and sleeping pattern. And I ended up with complete body pain and a half-filled stomach. But the spirit is still soaring high and I’m ready to take on the world. I don’t know if I can be regular but I’ll try my best, to at least give little snippets of updates, saying hello and posting irrelevant stuff. Hope and wish me to do the best with what I’ve got.

Will be back with new updates.

Cheerio!

PS: Just realized Mandy has made her blog protected. If you’re reading this Mandy, how in the world am I gonna read you now hon?

It is that time of the year which brings constant calm to my mind and a smile to my face. It is autumn, the pre-winter season. So to say my favorite season, for reasons like being able to snuggle in bed for a little longer, to hold a steaming cup of coffee and stare out of window at yellowing and withering leaves, to get wrapped in layers leaving a small gap to hold a book and read, to have endless cups of hot chocolate, to cook pakoras and eat with spicy churmuri, to give and take warm teddy bear hugs and not feel bad about the other person’s temperature being too warm. It is the season of love, I feel. Of pure, unadulterated love.

I love it when the winds start getting colder and the sun decides to take a break. Mind works a bit slower than the usual, taking its time to enjoy and take in the weather. I like to see the falling autumn leaves and the roads lined with trees and fallen yellowed leaves. There is something about the weather which makes me yearn for family and loved ones. I want to spend more time with them, making most of the time spent. It is this season that fills my mind with freshness and I don’t have one gloomy day. Pretty contrary to the literal sense of winter, you say. May be.

This is also the time when I want to travel. Wear heaps of clothes and go roaming. This might be because most of the crowd prefers to stay indoors and I usually get the streets/place to myself. But it kind of feels good to have a cold nose and ear tips after a round of walk in the cold. Still better to have a hot shower followed by good coffee and delicious food. Ah! That s what I call bliss.

I have no specific memories associated with winter. Of any season for that matter. But I know that I will have many memories that I can relate with this season. Starting now, with this post. Of course I remember doing a similar post last year too. It might sound pretty redundant but that is the love I have for it and for the blog.

Diwali is just round the corner (of course this topic should come up at such relevant times) and the spirit still hasn’t kicked in. This is my favorite festival. I love lighting diyas all over the place and spreading flower petals everywhere. I don’t like firecrackers and I’m avoiding them since 2 years now. Go-green I say and quit the crackers, do your bit to avoid noise and air-pollution.

This post is making me realize that the year is slowing advancing towards the finish line. Not slowly I’d say, because I fail to notice where the days go. It feels like some months ago the 2009 had set its foot in, now it’s already ending. I feel all mushy and emotional. This reminds me of all the pending meets with friends and how we slowly lose contact with each passing day. I’ll definitely make sure I call and meet the people who matter.

I’m having such mixed emotions right now and a lot to think about. But first let me begin by soaking in the coldness of the winter and welcome it into my warm heart. Rest will be dealt with as and when possible. Yes, I’m taking it real slow. That is how winter woks, remember?

The feeling of freshness when I wake up in the morning has gone, I catch myself thinking about the mundane chores as soon as I open my eyes (actually even before opening eyes) rather than imagining a perfect, happy day ahead and welcoming it with a smile. I am so caught up in the whirlwind of daily activities that I forget to be thankful for the day and time I’ve got and to make the best of it. I’ve been ignoring the truth that there really is so much more to my life, still waiting to be felt, experienced and lived. There is so much wonder, happiness and life in the world, and yet I fail to see it right.

If you still haven’t guessed, I’m in one of those moods; you know when one feels totally lost in the all too familiar world. It’s then one wants to go absconding or kidnap oneself and land in some unknown place with unknown people and lots of opportunities (Less the people the better). Or perhaps lots of opportunities to find the opportunities. To start new and fresh, like a new birth. To live a new life, know new people, make new friends and do things whose dreams are still hidden in the deep crevices of heart.

I want to hold the soil, plant a sapling, drench in the rain, free myself of tears which flow with the rain water, laugh knowing it will resound from the valleys, put a single jherbera in my hair and sway to the some odd-less-known tune, pack little necessary things and go hiking in the mountains, sleep under the shade of cool neem, wake up early to see the dew droplets still on the leaves and petals, extend my tongue to gently taste the dewdrop without disturbing it’s calm, see the sun set behind the hills and still not be bothered of another day coming to end, but actually be happy of all that I could do and see that day, seeing the sun rise and fill my lungs with new freshness to start another day in the quest of surprises the world has in store for me. I want to do all of this and more. Not in that exact order though.

I’m craving and longing to actually ‘live’. You know what I mean?

And yay! I can post today. And muahs to all you guys who cared to reply to my rant in earlier post. Have I told you that I love you all? Of course I will soon put all your suggestions to work. Promise

This is a delayed post, which was in drafts since a few days. Publishing it as the mood is still raw and same!

***

By now I am quite used to s**t happening almost all the time. So much so that I live through it and successfully. I don’t care any more. And if you’re working you’d know what I mean when I say, s**t always happens at workplace. You wake up all fresh and eager to do something successfully and something s****y is thrust upon you and told above that, that you are the only person who can successfully handle it. Even worse you’re not told anything at all. Just given the work you despise and the deadline. You are expected to sit late, come on weekends and simply speaking work you’re a** off on something for which you barely get any credit. Make that no-credit. Now why would someone want to do such work, you may ask. Of course there will be souls who do this all the time, like yours truly. Yes, I sit late and come on weekends for a work that no more matters to me. Then what does? Isn’t that question a tad obvious?   And a lazy goose that I am, I’m still enduring all this. When I ask myself ‘why am I doing this?’ I get complete silence from myself. I know that is because I have been lazy to get my bum up and look for another job. Crazy fool that I am, not valuing time which is slipping by every second. I realize all that when I begin doing meaningless stuff. I’m typing this when I should be resolving some issue unknown to me, which is dependent on some local configuration which is very bummy and not working at all, because of which I am not able to see the issue. Without seeing the issue, I cannot resolve it. See the cyclic dependency? It’s crazy it’s almost getting to me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever improve. Time for it though.

This too, is a letter to myself.

Oh I really don’t, and you guys know it. I have been awarded again! So need to walk down the red-carpet to accept them. Can you guys please do away with the podium and focus lights this time Swaram and Niv? Thankie babes, I love you!

*Lively with simple make up a huge smile on her face, enters the area and to her shock finds the podium and focus lights intact.

, so it’s time for another dramatic acceptance speech after all* I didn’t know you like my acceptance speech so much tee hee so let’s get on with it.

*Steps on the huge dias and takes the awards from Swaram herself*
“Thank you so much for the award dear, I cannot tell you what an immense pleasure it is to have this and from you. Though I’ve done a small acceptance speech on your blog, the fact that focus lights are still on beckons me to do one more. I thank the lovely people responsible for this: all my blog readers and all the blogs I read. Also the blogs which I don’t read because I don’t read them! Else I’d have written something else, which you would’nt have liked and I wouldn’t have gotten these awards
Thank you once again everyone. Especially Swaram for thinking pf me while giving the awards (though you might have done it out of habit, of reading my blog frequently )” *kisses Swaram on both cheeks and hugs her (trying to steal more limelight by refusing to step down)*

Awards by Swaram:
‘Inspirational Blogger‘ award (which doesn’t have an img so I can’t link it here )
I pass this to:
Usha
IHM
MM
Sayesha

‘I love your blog‘ award (whose img I have linked before).


I pass these on to everybody on my blogroll.

I pass this to:
Swaram
Pixie
MM
Chandni
Mandy
M
Sayesha
IHM
Usha
Niv

And now I have to run to attend the ceremony at Niv’s. *Lively hires a cab quickly calculating in mind how much she could’ve saved had she taken the city bus (though it’d look odd what with all the make up and hired designer outfit )*
Finally reached Niv’s in time. *Looks at self in the small mirror taken out from the huge (rented shhhh)bag and sees that not much has changed* So I climb the steps to the grand dais.

*Looks around and waves at all the bloggers gathered (virtually,logged in through their webcams). Takes award from Niv. And now the routine speech (even if you’re bored to death by now )*
“Thank you Niv, it gives me a high to know that you see me in such high regards. I make you smile? Seriously? (to self- even I didn’t know that). Very well, now that you’ve chosen me, I’d thank all those people who have smiled foolishly at the lame jokes I cracked, and sometimes PJs too. Those who still think that I can make jokes. The bloggers who have encouraged me to make jokes on them(not publicly) and those who have laughed at me (obviously for the silly jokes). Thank you guys, and continue what you’ve been doing- laughing . And it’s time I too had my last laugh on this brightly decorated dais ) “

Award by Niv:

I again pass this on to all on my blog list At one point or the other, all have made me smile.

Now the recepients, let me know if I should host a ceremony for your acceptance or will it go wasted like the last time. I’ve done my job. Ball in your court.

Thank you peeps. Keep reading this space, for more insanity, rage, love and laughs.

Love you all.

Muaahs! :*

Red carpet and stage images courtesy: Google images of course

Right now, I’m in a neutral state of mind and not. Yes, both at the same time. My mind is in a strange calm while thoughts are still running as usual. May be finally my head has found out how it works . So there is really very little to write. But the itch that has risen due to blog-inactivity for sometime is making me type all this. So now that I’ve made it clear that I don’t have a particular topic to blog about, those who are in the middle of some serious business can resume their business, lest at the end of the post you decide to hunt me down for all the waste of time .

Time has been flying like… err… wind. I mean it is there but still can’t hold it or feel it. I can’t see the days passing by, they are just a blur. I will be all plans for the evening to be effectively utilized and before I know it’s already morning, I wake up groggy and late for office. I’m so tired and achy that I’m sure wherever I touch it’s gonna pain. And no, I am not sad, but thrilled of all that has been happening. I haven’t gotten around completing the certification I’ve been talking about since ages (I’m sure you’re bored of hearing that by now and decided it’s my trait to keep talking about things I can’t do) but not feeling bad about it. I have realized that what I have been doing otherwise is more important and enjoyable, to me. The rest can wait. Getting priorities right is a tough job and you can never be sure if you’ve really got it right. That makes me wonder… Hmmm.

The weekend that has almost started isn’t successful in exciting me. I will be going home to get some important things done, planning to drive (fearing I will forget to drive and might lose the license) and basically be cool with everything, whatsoever happens. Yes, that is decided. I’m not gonna fret or get irritated over things that will not matter anyway.

I missed the meet with Pixie and Swaram and I’m so sorry guys. Will definitely make up for it the next time we meet. I also have to meet Niv and Y. It’s been too long. I have two books- Catch 22 and Tuesdays with Morrie (thanks for this Y) with me which I have to start reading before the cockroaches think they have a chance. This is actually more for myself as reminder than for you as an update .

The weekend is Dasara and I’m not really excited as it wasn’t a big once since my childhood. Some elaborate pooja, relatives visiting and some sweets is what I am expecting. Pretty much the normal stuff if you ask me. But still glad that it is Dasara and I get to do something extra. Festivals bring such joy from inside of you that you simply can’t ignore it.

So Happy Dasara to you, your friends and family. Nimagu nimma bandhu baLagakku Vijayadashamiya shubhashayagalu. Hope you have a great extended weekend. Stay safe, warm and happy. Come back with a renewed vigor and radiance.

Cheerio.